I remember as a kid hearing that everytime I complained about something to my mother. It was very frustrating, since it trumped everything. Think about it, you can blame a ton of people for something going wrong, but ultimately whose fault is it? Yours.

Of course, I have always thought that the question is counter-productive especially since it is usually asked during a crisis. When I was running around late for school like a chicken with no head, did I really care whose fault it was. No, I just wanted to get to school without getting in trouble and without bed-head, was that so much to ask for.

Now as an adult, I find that I ask myself this question a lot. Sometimes, although rarely, I am able to squarely place the blame at the feet of someone else, but mostly I have to honestly say, “Yep, my fault.”

This becomes painfully clear when you deal with other people, with any level of expectation. People, in general, will almost always fail to live up to your expectations, so therefore, you become disappointed.

Whose fault is that? You see here you want to say — “ahh – theirs since they disappointed me.” Sure, in a perfect world that would be true. However, the fault really lies at your feet. Stop looking at your feet and pay attention this next part is important.

You see you are disappointed because you expected something. See how the other person is not even involved. Creepy huh.

My point in all this is that we can not expect anything from anyone. Ok, I know that sounds cynical and harsh, but it is none-the-less a fact of life.

Your happiness, in this system, is dependent on “lowered expectations”. If you expect nothing then you are pleasantly surprised and happy when someone does something. This is not to say that people are incapable of living up to our expectations, it simply means that we have manage our own sense of expectation to keep us from being miserably disappointed at the world.

Let me give you a real life example. You no doubt are aware of my addiction to Starbucks, along with several other billion people in the world, and if you read this blog regularly, or ever speak to me, then you know that my greatest frustrations come from the inside of a Starbucks.

Employees are slow and don’t care, customers are slow, stupid and pretentious, and all this equals me having to wait to get my day going. Now, I could blame the lazy, apathetic employees or I could blame the mindless masses but really whose fault is it that I am frustrated ? Mine. Why should I expect them to act any differently.

Of course, I am not perfect and I KNOW that I disappoint and frustrate people on daily basis, and in fact, if your reading this, then I have probably disappointed you …

so — whose fault is that?