Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category

Who are her real parents?

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

I know that I will be asked this question sometime during the life of my child.

I hope that when the question is asked I have the composure and ability to answer the question as well as it was on “Heroes” last night.  If you don’t watch the show, I won’t bore you with character and plot description, but suffice to say it is a great show.  Anyway, Claire asks her adoptive father (who didn’t want her initially, but was forced into the adoption by the “company”) who her “real” parents are..

He says:

“We are your real parents.  We don’t know who you’re biological parents are.  You may not have grown in your mother’s belly, but you grew in both of our hearts.”.

I thought that was a great response. Especially considering it came from Hollywood, who is notorious for fouling this particular topic up..

SO, I add more item in which Heroes desrves kudos for.  They have dealt with Claire’s adoption and how she deals with it VERY well.

The lesson?  If you see an adoptive couple with a child, what question should you never ever ask ?

“Who are her/his real parents?”   First off, if you need to ask that question, it is not likely any of your business… Secondly, you are looking at her/his real parents..

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Posted in Adoption |

The easy way?

Saturday, January 27th, 2007

So the other day, a work associate told me that Laura and I are having kids “the easy way”.. What made the statement more humorous to me is that this was a man… I thought to myself, “In what way is conception and pregnancy hard for you ?” Now if a woman had said it to me, then I may not have thought too much about it.

However, let me state for the record that adoption is NOT the easy way to have kids. In fact, it is my belief that this is the most difficult emotionally draining process that I have ever gone through.

When we decided to start the adoption process, the standard wait time was 6 months from LID to Referral. Now, let’s for one moment pretend that a 6 month wait time was not a thing of the past. Even with a short 6 month wait, you are looking at about 6 – 9 months of paper chasing BEFORE you can even think about sending in your paper work, so a “normal” China adoption will take at least 12 months. Pregnancy is a 9 month (generally) process.

Now, believe me, I am not saying that pregnancy is easy either. My point is that since both process are intensive and both process take a long time, and both processes can wreck all sorts of emotional turmoil on the prospective parents, couldn’t we all just say that both are endeavors of love that take thier toll, and make the day that you get your child that much more special?

This comment is made all the more difficult to hear since we do not have a 6 month wait.. No good reader, we are, as of today, officially 7 months into our wait. So does that mean that we will hear any day now about our child? No. Right now the CCAA has been able to process up to September 27, 2005. We are June 27,2006. That means there are another 9 months ahead of us, full of people who are also waiting for a child. So we are anticipating at least another 12 – 18 months before we can even think about a referral.

This is all part of the process though, hurry up and file, and then wait… and wait… and wait… We know that the CCAA is doing thier best to meet the needs of an incredible increase in the number of dossiers being sent over, and so we patiently await the time we will be united with our daughter … Is it easy? NO… It is worth it.. ABSOLUTELY…

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Posted in Adoption, The Wait |

Pictures … as promised

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

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First is Laura and I on the second formal night.  My hand looks huge in this picture… it is not that big.. LOL

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This is Laura’s Turtle… so small and cute…

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They had a race to see which turtle would make it to the ocean first… Laura’s didn’t win, but we thought he had a better chance of survival since he seemed to be the only one that knew what he was supposed to do when he got to the water…

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Side view of the boat we were on… These things are really really big..

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And finally the Joseph Filipow Trio.. My brother, who took all the above pictures (except the formal shot), did this on the boat for them..

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Posted in Adoption, Personal, Photos, The Wait |

2006 – A year in review…

Saturday, December 9th, 2006

The year is not over, but the way time is going these days, I will probably wait too long to get this up if I don’t post it now..

I think that this is first year of my entire life that I could step back and say “This year was about ….[insert something here]“. Of course our something is the adoption. It really has been all encompassing and while we had hoped that 2007 would not be about the adoption [process] but about the parenting…

Back in January, we had to put everything on hold — you will remember this post : I Popped the Clutch

We got back on track faster then we thought we would, but then discovered that there is a whole process of waiting during the paperchase that you don’t get any control of… :Still Going

During March, the adoption was put on hold because some close friends of ours were having really serious medical problems.. Helping them became first priority in our lives, and while these blog entires never made it here on the adoptoin blog, they have found their way here now :
Scariest Place on Earth

Finally in April we were able to have our dossier approved for authentication by the agency … : Authentication

But we also realized that I am not the most coherent person in the world when I am excited… LOL : Tales of a Moron

May was also exciting, for the blog, since we got rid of the black and went with orange and we opened to the public. For a long time we required people to sign up to read the blog, but eventually I wanted to cut down on the maintenance of the blog and give more people an oppurtunity to join the fun.

June and July were the months of special note though…. We got great news from our agency in the first part tof June : Dossier Approved!

Then in July…. We’re Logged In!

Of course, after being logged in we realized it was time to start getting the house ready for our baby so it was off to ikea, and what ended getting up being quite a story…How Ikea Ruined my Weekend

August served as a 1 year anniversary from when we began the process of adoption, and nothing happened.. we waited, we worked on the house and we wondered when we would hear about our baby…. All the while the referral process slowed down more and more…

In September we made our lives about the Backyard (which still isn’t finished… :) ) : Our Backyard

October was a difficult month for me…. When we began in August of 2005, we figured about 13 months from beginning to referral, so we had planned on being in China October or November of 2006.. Whether that was reasonable or not doesn’t matter any more since it didn’t happen. Of course, for our friends who have been with us through the whole process, they began to wonder as well… So :Still waiting

So in November the wait was really getting to me… Ruminations

So we stopped waiting… well not really, but we did start doing some things to get our minds off of it… Disneyland, San Diego, and Las Vegas… It was a busy busy month…

All of November

So now it is December… 2006 is coming to an end … we’re still waiting, along with hundreds of other perspective parents. It is difficult, be totally worth it. But Like I said in November :

2007

So as we begin a new year, stay with us, things are bound to be more exciting then ever this year….

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Posted in Adoption, Personal, The Wait |

Trial run … coming soon…

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

A while back ago, I posted about an experience we had babysitting 5 kids. Our friends have 4 boys and 1 girl, ranging from 2 – 11.  It was a greate experience.

I admitted in that post though, that it was for a few hours one night, and it nearly killed me. :)   SO.  The first weekend in December those same freinds are going away for 4 days and 3 nights… and we are watching the kids.

This will be a great “trial run” as it were, to get all the different facets of waht day-to-day parenting is like.  I know it is not the same, but it will be quite a learning experience I am sure.

We’ll keep you posted, but if you don’t hear from me again, you know why. ;) LOL

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Posted in Adoption |

Of Adoption and Conception…..

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

WARNING : this post contains words like ovulation and date night, if these words or concepts make you uncomfortable, hit your back button. ;)

So… we got our I 171H form… very very exciting for us, but for our friends, well they don’t even know what the form is or means, so the question we get everytime we tell someone we got it, is “So do you get the baby now….” NO!!!! Just kidding. I am not upset about it, but I do want to take this time to educate people on my view of adoption timelines and put them into an easily understandable standpoint.

OK — so Parents A decide they want to have a baby. They begin the process of trying to conceive, you know – date nights, candles, soft music and … well we all know the drill. During this time they may tell thier friends that they are trying. They map out thier ovulation cycles, find the best times to try, and do other asundry tasks to make sure that they get pregnant. One day, the woman realizes that she is late, and take a pregnancy test. It comes out positive. Wooo Hoooo. She tells all her closest friends, but she and her friends know that until it is confirmed by the doctor, it is still “up in the air”.

Eventually it is confirmed by the doctor, which is great and now family begins to find out. But still everyone knows that for 3 months there is a stronger chance of miscarriage, so there is still a reservation about telling everyone about the pregnancy. Once that 3 months goes by – baby showers get planned, and everyone finds out. Happy day…

For an adoption, the time lines are not a whole lot different, but people seem to think that adoption happens like this.

Parents B decide to adopt, a week later they are happy parents and the world keeps spinning. hmm. Not so much.

In reality -

Parents B decide to adopt — spend a couple of months researching adoptoin agencies and home study agencies. Finally decide on acceptable agencies and apply. Several freinds find out they are going to be adopting (especially those who may need to provide reference letters). The next 3 – 6 months are spent gathering every document that has ever been created with your name on it. Then you request permission from the US government to bring a child into the country (i-600A). Date night and candles are also apart of this process, but for different reasons.

After your I-600A is filed and processed you get fingerprinted and then eventually you get the I-171H. To me, this is the timeline equivelent of determining your ovulation cycle and realizing that today is the day.

not pregnant, but major accomplishment.

You get the I-171H and all the other documents that you need and they get sent around the country to various Secretary of States to get Authenticated. Once Authenticated, they go to the Agency from approval, and then they are off to China. At this point you are DTC. This would be the equivalent of taking the pregnancy test and having it come out positive. Wooooo Hoooooo.

Still – your DTC – not LID (logged in). So there still needs to be “confirmation from the doctor”. A couple of weeks later your are Logged in by the CCAA. This is the confirmation by the doctor. Friends begin to find out and a couple of months go by and the baby showers start to get planned and nurseries are created and all the other baby stuff happens.

So — to sum up this extremely long lesson in adoption and conception timelines. We are not yet pregnant, but we have determined the day of ovulation and we are ready to get the ball rolling.

Hopefully, if all goes well, we will be DTC (pregnant) sometime in May…. Come one May….

Thank you for your attention, we know return you to your normally scheduled programming.

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Posted in Adoption, Personal |

I popped the clutch … so to speak

Tuesday, January 17th, 2006

Ever been driving down the road, with a manual, and popped the clutch and the cars stalls…. That is what I have done to our adoption process.

You may have been wondering where we have been, and why we have not been posting, and when I say we, I mean me, since Laura has posted on here once — hmmm, hint hint.

Basically, we are still waiting on our Home Study report, we are waiting on our fingerprinting appointment, which I do not imagine will come until after the HS has been submitted and we are waiting on some paper work to get done for the dossier.

We also submitted a grip of paperwork to the agency which has kindly asked that we redo some of it. OK — so we have to have our medical paperwork redone since the doctor did not completely fill the form out. Hmmmm, I distinctly remember asking him to do that completely.

It is really not a big deal since right now, we can not move forward anyway. We have had some unexpected financial things arise and we promised ourselves we were not going to take loans out in order to keep the adoption process going, so we are on the side of the road waiting for triple A.

Anyway — for now, everything is slightly on hold. Nothing major, hopefully just a few weeks or a month and we will back in the race getting it done.


Stephen

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Posted in Adoption, Paper Chase, Personal |

December 2nd – coming soon…..

Thursday, November 24th, 2005

Coming On December 2nd, we have our final Home Study visit — the dreaded “come to the house” visit. I am not too concerned about it, but of course there is a biut of nervousness surrounding the event. Christi seems very nice though and I know that she will work hard to help us get through it as painlessly as possible.

I just got back from a 10 day business/personal trip in Chicago, IL and Blue Earth, MN. The personal part was 4 days in Blue Earth seeing old friends. It was a very very long trip, but nice to see old friends again, and even relaxing — at least while I was in MN.

Anyway – we also got our document gathering kit from the Agency this week, A LOT of stuff needed. More on the medical front, all the certs showing we were born and married, and of course enough financial documents too sink a ship.

Moving forward …. ever slowly pressing on. :)


Stephen

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Posted in Adoption, Paper Chase, Personal |

Whew!

Saturday, November 12th, 2005

That was a loud sigh of relief that you heard around 2:30 PST time today.

We had our final HS visit — yep, you know which one I mean. The one where they come into your house after you just got done spending 3 days cleaning and 5 hours of super fast deep cleaning just before the SW comes into the house so you can say “Excuse the mess, we’ve just been so busy”.

Well our SW was just great, and she was very inintrusive. She simply focused on the list of “requirements” for the house – Fire Extinguishers, Smoke detector, No Firearms, No pools. Not to say that firearms and pools are forbidden, they just make for a more interesting visit.

We talked for about an hour about follow-up stuff from the first interview and that was it. It was so much easier then I thought.

And to think … I spent the last 4 months stressing over an hour and half that was actually more like conversing with a new friend then anything else.

Milestone completed — next step on the way.

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Posted in Adoption |

Home Study – Round One

Thursday, November 10th, 2005

Complete…

Wednesday at 1 p.m. we arrived in Lake Forest. That is about 45 minutes south of us. This was the office the social worker that we were meeting with… Cristi.

We had sent an email a day or so before to confirm the appointment and had heard nothing back, so we were a little concerned that maybe she would be a no-show. Even when we got into the waiting room we were a few minutes early so no one was there from lunch yet. So we sat and waited…. getting more and more nervous. I told Laura “We are probably being watch via video to see how we interact”. I was half-joking.

Cristi arrived though and we went into for the interview. 2 and a half hours — WHEW!. It was good though. Cristi is VERY nice. It was easy to talk to her and we went through so much information about our childhoods, our relationships with our family, Laura and I’s relationship. It was a lot. I was tired when we were done, but very relieved that it was over.

Anyway – she sent us a very nice email about the visit afterwards, she said that she thinks that we will make good parents and is looking forward to writing a us a good home study. YEAH!!!!

It gets more and more real everyday….


Stephen

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Posted in Adoption |