I’m going to take a break this week from the traditional adoption vs fostering to adopt posts I have been doing.
I am also going to start off with a confession. We weren’t contacted by a birth mother. We were contacted by TWO. On Thursday we received notification that our home is now licensed for foster care. And then yesterday we were contacted by someone who wasn’t a birth mother about another adoption. We still need some more details on that one, but all this combined with looking at adoption exchanges the last week as made me realize something.
MY HOUSE IS TOO SMALL!!!!
Where We Are – An Update
Yes, two birth mothers have contacted us. I guess I didn’t want to say anything in case either one reads the blog and decided to pass on us since we have so many options available. But I realized that was silly.
But there are some less than ideal facts about these situations.
Mother #1 had contacted us before reaching out to an adoption agency, but it was obvious she needed some help, so we encouraged her to reach out to an agency. It sounds like she is getting help. Unfortunately for us, it is one of the more expensive adoption agencies. We have looked at other adoptions people have shared with us that are through this agency and the prices we get are always on the high side. When our case worker heard which agency the birth mother was working with, she told us to anticipate $35,000-$60,000 (I could be a little off on the numbers, but not by much). Additionally, this birth mother is from another state where laws are different and makes it a riskier venture. Additionally, communication has actually been pretty sparse and there have been times we weren’t sure we would hear from her again. We just have to see where this goes.
Mother #2 hasn’t actually decided to place, but said we would be her top choice if she did. She is a little older than the stereotypical birth mother and her maturity comes across in her communications. She is in state and gave us the impression that financially, she isn’t in anything close to dire straits. I don’t want to get into too many details for the sake of her privacy, but it sounds like she is not getting a lot of support, especially from family, on the idea of placing. In our last communication with her, we could tell she needed a friend or at least a friendly ear. We offered that. We haven’t heard back since then though. I hope she is well. I hope she found that friendly ear.
Child #3 sounds like she might already be born. As I mentioned before, we still need more details. What we do know is she has very special physical needs. Could it be it is a foster-to-adopt situation? Could her birth parents have realized they can’t meet her needs? Once again, we will need to get more details and see where this goes.
The House is Too Small
If life were easy, we would take all three plus at least twenty foster kids. Sadly, life is not easy. And we legally couldn’t have that many children placed with us in our current house.
And there are all the what-if scenarios. What if we adopted those two kids? That would almost be like having twins. They would be three months apart.
This seems like a good time to share a quick story about some folks we know. They tried for years to have children. They tried for years to adopt. They finally got pregnant and called the agency to put them on hold for the time being.
Well, that message got lost or something because within a few weeks of their son being born they got a call (it does not work like this anymore) letting them know they had a little boy waiting for them.
Back To It
Oh but the cost. Just one of these adoptions would be more than enough for a fantastic down payment on a bigger house and then we would have room for more kids.
Okay, I think I am just rambling and thinking out loud (thinking onto my keyboard?). But this is what goes on now when I have a minute to think about anything. I’m not looking for pity or even support. (Although I am grateful for the love and support I receive!) I’m just sharing, just figuring it out.
For a long time, every opportunity we heard about was a foster to adopt situation around a sibling group of five. There were at least three or four instances that this happened. There are probably reasons for this. The most likely one is that is hard to find a place for five kids with such a variety of ages.
Unfortunately, at the time we were not licensed for foster care. Even if we were, we wouldn’t be licensed for five kids. But we still wonder if that isn’t some sort of happy portent that we are meant to have five kids.
If we are, we need a bigger house!