So Long, And Thanks for All the Poop

The Baron has been deposed.  Long live the Baron!

Bye Bye Baron

What I am trying to say is that The Baron is no longer our foster baby.  He had family come forward before the deadline (see below) that was willing and able to take him.

Yes – we are sad. Very sad might be more accurate.

Yes it sucks.  Super sucks might be more accurate.

I think a neighbor of mine summed it up pretty well.  He said something along the lines of, “I can see wisdom in that decision, but I can see a lot of disappointment coming from it as well.”

Today Was A Good Day

Today was our last day with The Baron.  It turned out to be a bit of Roald Dahl day.  For Christmas, Lookin’ To Be A Mommy (maybe we need to change our names now?) gave me a collection of Roald Dahl stories and have been reading them off and on since.  I had been reading “The Fantastic Mr. Fox” to The Baron and wanted to finish that up before he left.  I had also wanted to watch The BFG on Netflix since I had read the book recently (and when I was in elementary school, although it turns out I remembered nothing about it.)

So we read a little and he took a nap.  We watched some BFG a little and then he took a nap.  There were diapers and feedings in there too, of course, but not many more naps. And although I put poop in the title of this post, I am not going to go into the stinky details or post any pictures (you’re welcome).

It was a good day.  Too bad even good days have to end.

A man reading The Fantasitc Mr. Fox to an infant
The Baron Enjoys Fine Literature, especially when accompanied by funny voices. Mr. Badger sounded a lot like Michael Caine.

No Surprises

We have known for a few weeks this would happen.  There is a reason I haven’t been able to get myself to write a blog post recently.  It has not been an easy few weeks.  I have probably watched more TV and eaten more ice cream and cookies than is healthy the last few weeks.  At least we aren’t going on an impromptu cruise this time.  A cruise is very tempting, but not terribly affordable right now.

The 120 Day Rule/Law (At least in our state)

In our state, there is a law that if any family members come forward within the first 120 days the child is in custody, the state is supposed to give them preference.  They have to pass background checks and not be a danger to the child, of course.  The tricky bit with our case was about when that 120 days started.  Was it when he was born?  Or was it when he came home from the hospital?  Both seemed like viable answers. 

If it was from when he was born, it would have been 122 days when the family member came forward.  If it was the hospital, it was still several days until the magic number of 120.  Obviously, the day he left the hospital ended up being the starting point.

From now on, we are going to know from day one when DAY ONE actually is. And once we reach Day 121, maybe we will have a party.  That or start breathing again.

At Least…

We recently went to a training class that had a video clip about sympathy vs empathy.  I should probably try to find it and link it here. You should watch it so that the next bit of rambling makes at least a teeny bit of sense.

Sympathy tends to start with the phrase “At Least…” because others are trying to help by putting a silver lining on things.  “At least you had him for as long as you did.”  “At least you know he is somewhere that he is loved.”  The point of the video is that sympathy doesn’t actually help someone feel better. Empathy does. 

What’s weird is I keep catching myself sympathizing with myself and not empathizing.  It seems like that should be some sort of psychological abnormality when you can’t empathize with yourself!

I’m not sure any of this last section is coherent, but that’s just me right now.

Going Forward

We miss him.  We will always miss him.  We love him.  We will always love him.

We have been invited to go visit him occasionally.  And although I want to, at the same time it would be hard.  We technically have no legal or biological connection with him.  How much of trying to maintain a connection is just punishing ourselves?  I guess we shall see.

As far as placements, we have to move on.  We’ve already asked our caseworker to submit us for another placement.  It sounds like the resource families she works with are all pretty busy.  She made it sound like we were the only family in a place to accept placements in her group.  If that’s true, it shouldn’t take too long because she would submit our name for any potential placement.  Additionally, there aren’t a lot of foster families that meet the new immunization rules required for newborns.

Let’s hope it doesn’t take too long.

There might be a world wide ice cream shortage if it does.

 

2 Replies to “So Long, And Thanks for All the Poop”

  1. Wow. I wish we could come over right now and just hug you both. You have had an amazing experience the last 1/3 of a year, getting to be parents and helping to shape him into the man he will be.

    And yes, it sucks to not be allowed to continue that journey with Baron. However, you have imprinted good in his life and the holy ghost has been present around him, which is a wonderful thing.

    It’s almost like riding a horse as a child for the first time, it’s over all too soon and you don’t want it to end. Sadly it does, but we get other opportunities.

    We will keep you in our prayers.

  2. I’m sorry, guys. It’s all I can say. That sucks. Thank you for being there for that little baby and keeping him safe and loved.

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